


Afraid of losing you

by danversluthor



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: After 4x22, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Feelings, Fluff, Post Reveal, alex saving the day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-14 21:33:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19281598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danversluthor/pseuds/danversluthor
Summary: After the reveal, Lena feels betrayed by Kara. But Alex is there to let her know how important she is to Kara and the reasons she had to keep the secret. They will have to make up, even if that means exposing feelings which both of them are afraid of.





	1. Don't ever forget that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here Alex tries to convince Lena they all love her.

Lena wakes up, her head hurts so much she thinks it will explode. She has been drinking until falling asleep on the couch. At first it is difficult to put all the pieces together, she doesn’t remember why the bottle of scotch was so necessary yesterday. Then, the memories of Kara without glasses hit her. The youngest Luthor feels breathless, the same pain Lex made her feel comes back even stronger. Kara is Supergirl. The green-eyed woman cannot avoid crying again. When she pulled the trigger twice everything seemed so easy. No Lex, no pain. The world would be a safer place, Lena would be able to keep on investigating and improving alien and human lives. That was all she longed for. Maybe not everything. Maybe she imagined Kara and her enjoying and having fun after the mess National City had been. Yes, she actually was so naive to think her beloved Kara would make every day as bright as she was.

Lena have never dreamed. A Luthor has no time to dream, because being a Luthor means effecting a plan. Not having hope, just making it real. She always felt like a robot. No goals in life except earning money and make L-Corp a force of good.

However, Kara changed it all. If it wasn’t for Kara, Lena would not have been able to dream. For what? She asks now. Even the person she loves the most has been lying since the day they met. The CEO remembers the beam of light she felt when she looked at the young reporter and curls on the couch again. She wants to shout, to break everything, to disappear. But most importantly, she strongly wants to hate Kara.

Someone knocks at the door. “Leave me alone,” she says with a husky voice. The tears she never shed now seem to take revenge on her.

“Lena, it’s me, Alex… Please, let me in,” the redheaded waits for an answer. It is clear there is some doubt on her voice.

“Go home, Alex, I am busy with some paperwork”, she tries to pull herself together and walks to her chair while she wipes the tears. She knows deep down Alex will enter one way or another.

And there she is.

“Lena,” Alex approaches carefully, her eyes looking for any evidence. The scotch and her friend’s face seem enough proofs to tell how miserable Lena feels. “Lena… I… Oh my god”, her look fixed on the frame Lena broke last night.

“Stop,” she doesn’t let her explain. “If Kara sends you here tell her I don’t want to know anything about her. Neither of all of you,” the bitterness she always keeps for her boarding meetings makes her a favor, because her voice almost gets broken in the middle of the sentence.

“Look, I know how you must be feeling right now, but please…” Kara’s sister tries to lower the tone her friend is using before being interrupted.

“You have no idea!!” Lena shouts “You have no right to say that!” She starts walking around her desk, rage filling all her nerves. “Do you know how it feels to be betrayed by the people you even considered family? Do you know how it feels to find out everything good in your life comes from a complete lie? And what’s even worse… It was Lex who told me, not you. Not Kara” this last part was almost a whisper. Two more minutes and she would start crying again.  

Alex sits and hide her face between her hands. Its devastating seeing Lena like this, but she knows that is what she deserves.

“You are right, but let me say something” she stands up “Kara wanted to tell you sooner than you think” she hears Lena laughing bitterly.

“But?”

“First, she wanted to protect you. Then, with Lex’s stuff, I convinced her not to do it, I thought you were through too much”.

“I think what you really mean is she didn’t trust me enough to tell me because, well, I am a Luthor. I can’t believe that even after everything we shared, none of you is capable of see beyond my name.” Lena gets to keep a cold façade to Alex, it’s time to cut off her relationship and this is the best way to do it.

“What? That’s not why-”

“Get out,” Lena orders sternly.

“Lena, you are wrong about that, we all care-”

“I said GET OUT!” This time Alex starts believing this is not Lena, but her mother, Lillian. She realizes maybe they have lost her forever because of their selfishness.

“I just will leave this here,” she puts a USB on the desk while Lena looks through the balcony and then she approaches the door. “I asked J’onn to wipe my memories with Kara” she tries one last time “to protect her. She didn’t want me to, but I did it. I remembered everything when Red Daughter almost killed her back there.” Lena finally turns around. “She had to live with the constant pain of being aware I didn’t know who she was. I was harsh to Supergirl, to my sister. But I did it because otherwise it would have been dangerous for her. Still, I would do it again. And you know why? Because I love her and there’s nothing more important for me than Kara being safe.” Alex was about getting out, “she only wanted to protect you, Lena. Whatever you do, don’t ever forget that.”

 


	2. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, here you have the real angst... Hope you enjoy it!

“She only wanted to protect you, Lena. Whatever you do, don’t ever forget that.”

That sentence keeps in Lena’s mind. Alex has left and now she has a USB with who-knows-what on her desk. She still isn’t able of take it. The oldest Danvers’ words are messing with her. She rubs her temple. Lena has always been used to facing the worst scenarios, why is it so hard to go through this one?

Her eyes go down to the broken frame and she can see still now how hurt Alex was when she saw it. The Luthor recognizes that pain because it is the same she feels when she thinks about Kara. Almost the same.

Finally, she takes that USB and switches on to her laptop. What else can she do? Lena hates to admit it, but she is devastated and right now what she needs is to hold on to anything.

It’s a footage. The same one Lex used, but her eyes start watering when she realizes that it’s not the same, here the footage shows all the times Supe- Kara has saved her.

 “Lena is not a member of Cadmus! She’s not!”

“If you’ve done anything to Lena, I-“

“There’s no time. I have to go now or Lena is dead.”

“You got that backwards, the Luthor name doesn’t deserve Lena.”

Then the time she got poisoned. Kara flew with no suit at all to the DEO to save her. Lena watches, paying attention to how worried Kara seemed. She knows Kryptionians pulse doesn’t get altered so easily, and yet Kara put her hand over her chest after inducing Lena to a hypothermia and saving her life once again.

This can’t be pretended. Even if she tries to deny it, she knows perfectly that Kara cares about her, that she always has.

She stands up and looks for more scotch, this hell seems endless and she can’t decipher how she must feel. Small boxes always crumble when it comes to Kara. If she only had stayed in Metropolis…

Suddenly, she discovers some sort of journal on the floor, near the door. It’s is colorful, so it is not necessary to think about who owns it.

“Damn Alex” she sighs.

She opens it from the page it’s marked. There’s a photograph of the CEO herself.

“Lena doesn’t realize how much potential she has. I hope now at least the world will,” she reads or tries to, because the tears are hard to avoid.

“Why is it so hard to hate you, Kara? Why!?” she shouts to no one, buried in tears, “why can’t I be a cold Luthor with you!?”

“Because you will never be like your family, even if you want to,” Lena doesn’t need to turn around to know who is standing in her balcony.

“Making sure your sister did what you asked her for?” she tries to wipe the tears while putting the journal on her little table, turning her back to Kara so she doesn’t see her. “You know, it’s pretty desperate even for you,” she success sounding hard.

“I didn’t asked for anything. She just told me,” her gaze lows straight to the broken frame, as her sister did before. “I really like this picture” she takes the photograph out of the mess and stares at it with a sad smile.

“Yeah, I _used to_ too,” Lena says, still standing far from her friend.

“Lena, I-“ she looks for the CEO face, but she denies the contact and instead cuts her off.

“Even after telling you how harmful Eve’s betrayal was on that plane. Even after telling you the only thing I had is you, your integrity, Kara.” She now looks at her with a stern gaze.

“You should have turned around when I told you that that explosion wouldn’t have killed me,” she says softly, “when you were telling me all that, I knew the last thing you needed was another betrayal. But I promise I was gonna do it, Lena.”

“But you didn’t, you were a coward. You have always been,” she accused her.

“Well, you’re right… But you must know I did it to protect you, maybe also because a part of me was happy I could be Kara Danvers, just that, with you… It’s no excuse though, I know it.” She stops, her voice starting to crack. “I have no right to ask you to forgive me…”

“No, you haven’t.”

“Still, if you just let me say something… I promise I will leave after it,” Kara seems really worried and there is some fear in her words. Not the fear she feels when she sees death coming. Real fear. She takes Lena’s silence as a yes. “Last night, when you left J’onn’s house, I knew you knew it. I know your heart better than mine and  yesterday your pulse was erratic.” She sighs. “I have been looking for your heart sound every night for a long time. Since I looked into your eyes and knew you were light. Since you helped me realize who I am beyond Supergirl. Being Kara or Supergirl, all I ever did was meant to keeping you safe. In one way or another, and there’s no lie coming from that, I can assure you.”

Kara approaches Lena when she notices the latter can’t avoid crying and takes her hand slowly while she keeps talking lowly, almost a whisper.

“So yesterday, when I came home, a huge pain started growing inside my chest. It was the exact same pain I felt when I was on a pod, years ago. When I experienced how my planet was being destroyed.” Lena stops looking at the floor to see those watery but clear blue eyes grieving. And she swears she would do whatever it takes to delete that pain from Kara.

“Back then I lost my entire life” she starts crying, “yesterday I was and still I am afraid of losing you too. Because, being honest, I don’t know what I would do if that happened…” Kara brings Lena’s hands to her chest slowly, where the big ‘S’ in her suit rests.

She can feel Kara’s pain and God, it is worse than her own. Those words keep in Lena’s mind and make her remember what Kara told her in the plane.

_I’m always gonna be here for you._

And then she also remembers what she said when Kara asked her if she were with her. It was about the game night, sure, but Lena’s answer was far deeper.

_Always._

She can’t hate Kara. That’s it. She can’t hate her because she is the one who gets the best out of the CEO. Because she loves her. God, she does love her. Even though she has kept suppressing those feelings, right now everything makes sense. It comes as a realization, finally.

“Lena, I am so afraid of losing you because-”

“I love you”, Lena says looking at Kara as if this was the first time she saw just as her beloved Kara. Not Supergirl, not the reporter. Just her.

Both smile and cry at each other’s feelings. Their faces look for contact and their lips long for breaking the distance. They kiss and the world, finally, seems to be in place.

“Thank you,” Kara whispers in Lena’s ear while they cuddle after the kiss.

“For what?” Lena wonders, sweet voice.

“For not stop believing in me,” the kryptonian cries again.

“Always.” Lena caresses her hair and kisses her forehead.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments and suggestions. I really appreciate it guys, and sorry for the mistakes if there's anyone.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if there's any mistake. English is not my mother language... I hope you guys enjoy this. I think Lena and Kara deserve much more.


End file.
